Yesterday, before coming to work, I was making lunch for me and my wife. Our entree of choice was ham steaks. I simply fried them. Is there any other way to prepare ham steaks? I don't really think there is. You cook hams in the oven, but ham steaks should be fried. So anyway, I fried them up and dished them out. I suppose you could microwave one if you want. They're pre-cooked. But I think that would suck in all sorts of ways, and the fat deposits inside might explode. Hey, exploding ham sounds like it'd be cool. (Mental note: explode some ham.)
I looked down at my ham steak, and much to my surprise, it looked back up at me.
When I came to, I realized something. Only three people appear in objects that shouldn't have faces: Jesus, Mary, and Satan. My ham didn't have a beard, so that ruled out Jesus. That left either Mary, which means Catholicism is probably true, or the devil, which means Judaism is probably true. Think about that one. If Satan appears grinning on a ham steak, that means he approves of consuming ham steaks. Therefore, eating ham steaks is a sin. So the reason I'm posting this is to announce my conversion to Judaism.
Although, I suppose it might be Jesus after He shaved.