Monday, October 24, 2011

Doppelganger? More Like Notpelganger! Am I Right?

I have been told, much to my chagrin, that I look like Kevin Smith.  The reason I think this occurs is because we're both fat white guys with dark hair and beards.  That's like saying all Asian people look the same.  Why are you all so racist?

Sure, there are similarities.  I'll admit that.  The above-mentioned fat whiteness with dark hair and beards.  The affinity for the Edmonton Oilers.  The love of writing (one of us is more successful at this than the other).  The love of comic books.  But, in other areas, especially in the physical areas, there are many differences.  for one thing, I have beautiful blue eyes, while Mr. Smith has common brown eyes.  Brown, of course, being the colour of dirt, while blue is the colour of the clear sky.  Also, look again at the pictures at the top of this article.  I have a longer face than Kevin Smith does.  And it's hard to tell with our beards, but I have a cleft chin, and I'm pretty sure Kevin doesn't.  At the very least, it's not as prominent as mine.  And let's not forget the biggest difference of them all:

My famous underjet.  Note Kevin Smith's teeth in that picture.  The top teeth are in front of the bottom teeth, as is the norm.  Now look at my teeth.  The bottom teeth are in front of the top teeth.  Yes, everyone can make that face if they try, but it is my default setting.  It is physically impossible (short of grievously injuring myself) to put my top teeth in front of my bottom teeth.  Big difference there, guys.  Surprised you missed it.

Now let's take a closer look at my ruggedly handsome face (you're welcome):

A prominent mole next to my nose, and scars from juvenile shingles on my forehead.  Aside from my jaw, these are probably the most distinguishing features on my face.  And they are notably absent from Kevin Smith's face.  I apologize for the lack of extreme close-ups of Smith's face.  Take it up with Google image search.

In closing, I'd just like to say happy birthday to my father.  Or "Kevin Smith if he were clean-shaven and in his 60s," as I'm sure most of you like to call him.

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