Internet Survey Memes

If someone were to accuse me of being a smart-ass, I wouldn't deny it. One thing which I find absolutely annoying, yet participate in anyway, is the online survey. Most of them seem to be written by 14-year-old girls, and I hate them. Below are some of the answers to the questions that I feel proud of:


21. Do you like the oceαn?
Yes, very much, even though it tried to kill me that one time.

1. what are you doing right now?
Filling out a stupid meme

3. is it a complicated or simple situation?
Is what a complicated or simple situation?

1. Have you loved someone so much thαt you cried while trying to sleep?
Why would I do that?

3. text msg or msn?
Shoot me in the face


28.What is your favorite flower?
The rare North American bacon cheeseburger flower

41.Summer or winter?
I hate this question. AUTUMN!!! AUTUMN, damn it!!!!!

43.Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate or vanilla what?

73. Romantic or spontaneous?
I wasn't aware that those were mutually exclusive. In fact, I thought spontaneous was romantic.

75. Sensitive or loud?
Whoever wrote this survey needs to watch more Sesame Street to figure out what opposites are.

77. Trouble maker or hesitant?
Seriously, anonymous survey writer, buy yourself some Sesame Street DVDs.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY: I thought that was the point of the entire survey.

100. Posting this as 100 Truths?
Way to finish off with a bang, anonymous survey writer.

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
First prom date? Do people get more than one prom? My prom date was Alison Quist.

28. Would you be a pirate?
I don't like to murder, I don't like to rape, I don't like to steal, and I don't like scurvy. So, no, I wouldn't be a pirate.

30. Favorite Girl's Name/s:
Lady Deathsinger

31. Favorite boy's name/s:
Baron Von Logitech

34. What vehicle do you drive?
The worst one.

Describe what you practically do in a day: What an awkward sentence. Does it mean what I do in a day that is practical? The placement of the adverb suggest what do I practically do, implying that I don't actually do these things, but that I'm close enough to practically be doing something. Or does the question mean, "What do I do practically everyday?" meaning what do I do almost everyday. In any case, I'm refusing to actually answer this question on the grounds of ambiguity.

Brittany Spears or Christina Agulara [sic]:
F*** you for even asking this.

In the past month have you eaten an entire box of oreos?
No. Also, I'd just like to point out that eating one box of Oreos in a month isn't that odd. It works out to maybe one cookie per day.

Sarcastic:
Are you asking when the last time I was sarcastic was, or am I sarcastic?

Are your fingers tired?
Are you implying that my fingers should be tired after typing roughly 100 words?

37. Ever have cream puffs?
Yes. I'd wager that most people have had cream puffs, so that makes this a stupid question to ask.

39. What was the last question you asked?
Do we have a plastic shopping bag that I can put this dead bird in? (I swear, that is honestly the last question I asked.)

60. What is your favorite animal?
Roast beef with mashed potatoes, yorkshire pudding, broccoli, corn, and gravy over everything. (This was an honest mistake. I wasn't reading very closely.)

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
No thanks.

25. WHO IS THE HOTTEST FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY
I am not aware of any hermaphrodite celebrities.

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
No.

27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
I said I don't have one! F***!

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
How is this a "truth"? (The title of the meme was "100 Truths")

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Mashed potatoes. (Really? Do they even compare? Macaroni and cheese is the epitome of poor people food. Mashed potatoes are the sidedish of nice meals.)

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
I own a house. It has several rooms. One of them has a computer in it. I call that room the office.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
No.

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
I'm Canadian.

The following 17 questions in bold are a meme that I wrote myself:
Hyperferrianism's Things
(Inspired by all of that stupid crap floating around the Internet and e-mail forwards.)

1. Are you right-handed or wrong-handed?
Right-handed.

2. If you were stranded on an island with only one book, one movie, and one person, how long would you last before killing and eating the other person? Also, good luck watching a movie with no TV, no DVD player, and no electicity.
About a month, assuming there are other things such as fruit and fish to keep me from starving in the interim.

3. Which, if any, foreign countries have you set foot in?
USA, Taiwan, Philippines, China.

4. Did you kill anyone while in any of those countries?
No.

5. Give me one good reason, with SPECIFIC and CURRENT examples, why France sucks. ("They speak French" is not a good reason.)
I can't do it.

6. If you worked in government administration, would you prefer federal, provincial/state, or municipal? Why?
Municipal, because you're right there in the thick of things.

7. Do you have a Crush? If so, which flavour? Orange, cream soda, grape, or lime?
I don't currently have one, but the last one I had was cream soda. Lime is my favourite.

8. Have you ever shaved anything other than your face, armpits, legs, or head?
No.

9. Are you annoyed that the word "random" seems to be replacing the word "miscellaneous" in our culture?
Yes. Yes, I am.

10. Do you spell it "etc." or "ect."?
etc.

11. It's "etc." Kenny G it! It's short for "et cetera"! "Ecsetera" isn't a word, no matter how many times you say it!
Totally.

12. Do you have a birthday?
Yes.

13. What's your religion? (Out of all of the stupid Internet memes I've read, with their insipid, repetitive questions, I don't think I've ever actually seen this one asked.)
Mormon.

14. Are you spontaneous or bilingual? (NO OTHER OPTIONS! THIS MULTIPLE CHOICE QUESTION IS EXHAUSTIVE! DON'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE IN YOUR ANSWER OTHER THAN THE OPTIONS I HAVE PROVIDED! THOSE TWO THINGS ARE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE! NO FURTHER EXPLANATION WILL BE PROVIDED!)
Bilingual.

15. What was the first thing your father said to you EVER?
I don't know. Probably "Hi" or something along those lines.

16. Have you ever peed on a dead monkey?
I sure have.

17. What's your favourite Weezer album?
The Blue Album.

Life is full of...fluid

I am totally terrified of...your face!

21. What side do you dress to?
I don't understand this question.

26. Whose answers do you want to read the most?
Mine.

33. Favorite girls name?
Countess Von Murderington

34. Favorite boy’s name?
Baron Von Fartsalot

48. What songs do you want played at your funeral?
Highway to Hell by AC/DC

28) If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
The last person I texted was my wife.

37) Would you ride a cow if you had the chance?
Hells yes.

51) Ever kissed in [the rain]?
You already asked this question.


56) Tell me something no one really knows.
I gentleman never tells.

1. This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?
Gosh, no, I don't think I can. (I left the rest of the survey unanswered.)

Werther's Original

Werther's Original is my favourite candy, and I've received a lot of flack for admitting that. "It's old man candy!" they all say. I have two questions for those people:

1. What makes a candy an old-man candy?
2. Who cares?

Candy is candy. By definition, it is sweet and delicious. Wether's Original is sweet butterscotch hard candy that I've been eating since I was a young boy. See what I said there? I said "young boy". Not old man. I've never been an old man, and I still like Werther's Original. My opponents argue that it's old-man candy because old men eat it. I say to them that old men keep Werther's Original around to give to their grandchildren and other youngsters; therefore, if you must slap a demographic label on it, you should call it grandchildren candy.

You know, I really don't care that a lot of old men buy Werther's Original. It's still delicious. Why should I hate a delicious candy simply because old men happen to like it, too? Does it make it taste any less delicious? Is every piece of candy infused with old man cooties? Is the final step at the Werther's Original factory a tub full of naked old men and candy? No.

I have seen several old men eating mashed potatoes. Should I stop eating mashed potatoes since I quite clearly am not an old man? Am I not allowed to eat mashed potatoes until I have grandchildren? If your answer to that question is "Yes", then I will firmly extend my middle finger in your direction. Mashed potatoes are my favourite food. And Werther's Orginal are my favourite candy.

Up yours, Internet!

Terminator Salvation

SORT-OF WARNING: may contain minor spoilers

I don't know what critics and other Terminator fans were expecting from this movie. Noah and I watched it last night, and we both enjoyed it. It's not the best of the franchise by any means, but it's a good action movie. It was exactly what I expected it to be. Yes, there were some continuity issues, but the core premise of the Terminator franchise has been "Hey, let's mess with continuity!" The first three movies were about using time travel to change the past and using the knowledge of the future to change that future. Terminator Salvation is the result of effing with the timeline. It's a different future than the one Kyle Reese told Sarah Connor about back in 1984. John Connor says as much. A lot of fans seem dissappointed that this movie didn't look exactly like the flash forwards to the post apocolyptic year of 2029. For one thing, the movie was set in 2018, so things are going to look different than in 2029. For another thing, with all of the robots and soldiers jumping around through time messing things up, the future is going to be different. Heck, Judgement Day was pushed back six years, so Skynet will have to play catch-up as it is.

Things that I liked:

1) The scar that John Connor had in the two visions of the future you see in T2 and T3 is explained.

2) Kyle Reese is played by the guy who played Checkov in the new Star Trek movie, and he actually kind of looks like a teenaged Michael Biehn.

3) The T-800 looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger circa 1984.

4) Sam Worthington's character was interesting.

5) No time travel.

Little things that I didn't like:

1) No Derek Reese (Kyle's brother in The Sarah Connor Chronicles). Would it have been so hard to replace the adorable little mute girl with Derek?

2) No terminators with rubber skin (mentioned by Kyle in the original movie)

3) The human prisoners didn't have barcode tattoos.

4) Molten steel, which destroyed the terminators in T2, didn't destroy the T-800.

Again With the Star Trek

Warning: More spoilers.

So I've reviewed the movie and given my thoughts on the changes. This post will be devoted to some of my favourite moments from the movie.

1) Captain Pike: the movie prominently featured Captain Christopher Pike, the first captain of the Enterprise. Fans remember him from the original pilot of the original series before Gene Rodenberry made the second pilot that introduced Star Trek as we know it. Pike wasn't terribly different than Kirk, but I've always held a special place for him in my heart. It was good to see him in a movie, albeit played by a different actor. In the movie, he's an important factor leading to Kirk becoming captain of the Enterprise.

2) The red ensign: a long-standing joke about Star Trek is the unfortunate "red ensign". Whenever an away team beamed down, it consisted of people such as Captain Kirk, Spock, Dr. McCoy, and an unknown character of low rank wearing a red shirt. More often than not, this character died violently. The writers of the movie purposefully and humorously provided a blatant "red ensign" moment. Captain Pike orders a space drop (sky diving from orbit). Reporting in drop suits are Kirt, Sulu, and some guy dressed in red that has made no previous appearance in the movie. His name was Ensign Olsen, or something like that. He was amusingly gung-ho about kicking Romulun ass, and the movie makers introduced his character in a way that you just absolutely know that he'll be dead in a few minutes. And what do you know: he pulls his chute too late, breaks his leg when he lands, falls over the edge of the drill, and gets sucked into jet of flame underneath the platform. I've never laughed so hard at such a horrible death.

3) Scotty's question about the future: Kirk and Spock Prime arrive at the lonely Federation outpost on the ice planet that Spock abandoned Kirk on. They find Scotty, and in the course of their discussion, it is mentioned that Spock Prime is from the future. "You're from the future?" Scotty enthusiastically asks. Spock Prime answers in the affirmative, to which Scotty, who clearly doesn't believe Spock Prime, asks, "Do they still have sandwiches there?"

4) Spock loses it: I mentioned this part in my review, so I won't go into detail. Kirk needs to take command over the Enterprise from Spock, using a regulation stating that someone who is strongly emotionally affected by the situation should be removed by command. Kirk antagonizes Spock, accusing him of not loving his recently-deceased mother, and Spock goes absolutely ape-shit, beats the tar out of Kirk, and only stops choking him when reprimanded by Sarek.

5) Ringtone: Near the beginning of the movie, when a young Jim Kirk steals his step-father's antique Corvette, his step-father calls Jim on the car's phone. The ringtone is the same annoying ringtone has been used on cellphones for years now. "Do-do-do-dooo! Do-do-do-dooo! Do-do-do-doo-doooooooo!" And the phone is a Nokia. Nice to see that Nokia will survive World War III.

6) Breaking the tension: After the beat-down Spock inflicted on Kirk in point number 4, the bridge crew stands around in an awkward silence. Scotty looks around with a wide-eyed expression, and then says, "I like this ship! It's very exciting."

7) Spock/Uhura romance: There's an episode of the original series where everyone is hanging out in the mess hall. Uhura starts singing a song, making it up on the spot, about the Enterprise and it's crew, and there's a verse about Spock that she sings directly to him. That's the most intimate moment between the two of them I can think of. The writers of the movie seemed to take that small, brief spark and run with it. I was surprised at first, and didn't really know what to think, but I eventually decided that I like it. I especially liked the look Kirk gave them when he realized that the two of them were a couple.

8) Kobaichi Maru: I have no clue if I spelled that correctly. It's the test in Star Fleet academy that was designed to be a no-win situation to see how cadets would react to it. It turns up in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn when Savik takes--and unavoidably fails--the test at the beginning of the film. As the movie goes on, it is said that Captain Kirk is the only who ever passed the test. Kirk finally explains to his son, David, that he reprogrammed the computer to change the variables of the test. In other words, he cheated. It was nice to actually be able to see that moment, especially when it is revealed that this is how Kirk first meets Spock, who is the designer of the test.

Star Trek

I'm a Trekkie. Not the loser kind of Trekkie who goes to Star Trek conventions wearing rubber Spock ears or a banana clip painted gold over my eyes. Heck, the only time I've ever been to the Vulcan, Alberta Trek Centre (which is about an hour away from where I've lived for most of the last seven years) was to ask directions to a funeral. I could beat up most other Trekkies, and I'm not a fighter. But I am a Trekkie nonetheless. I watched reruns of the original series when I was a kid, and I loved the movies. I was a faithful and devoted fan of The Next Generation, which is my favourite of the five TV series. I had a passing interest in Deep Space Nine. I watched Voyager faithfully even though it paled in comparison to the original series and TNG. And I thought Enterprise was one of the most under-rated TV series of this decade. I own Star Trek I through X, most of them the two-disc collectors editions, and I have numerous DVD fan collections.

This past Saturday, Avril and I went to watch the latest Star Trek movie, the reboot done by J.J. Abrams. The original characters played by a new cast. This movie very easily could have sucked. Thankfully, it didn't.

WARNING: the remainder of this post contains spoilers. If you haven't seen the movie yet, you may want to stop reading here and come back after you've seen the movie. Unless you hate Star Trek and don't care if I ruin the movie for you.

Let me make this perfectly clear right from the start: I love this new Star Trek movie. Chris Pine was a good Kirk (nobody can be Shatner without coming off as silly, and Pine wisely didn't try a Shatner impression. He managed to get the feel of Kirk without aping Shatner. In fact, the more I think about it, the more impressive that seems.) Zachary Quinto did an excellent job portraying Spock. Karl Urban was an amazing Dr. McCoy. Simon Pegg's portrayal of Scotty was one of the highlights of the movie, and I'm sad that he didn't play a larger role. Eric Bana as the bad guy, Nero, did an excellent job. Winona Ryder was an...interesting choice to play Spock's mother. I'm glad I didn't realize it was her until the end credits were rolling.

The writing was top-notch. They captured the essensce of the characters without falling into the rut that has been trapping Trek writers since the mid-'90s. This was the most refreshing Star Trek, on film or on TV, that I've seen in a long time. The direction was also refreshing and excellent. The special effects were great, and even the look of sets were great. The shuttle crafts taking the recruits for training looked well-used and real, something that Star Trek has never really done, and the engineering section of the Enterprise looked like it was the actual functioning engine room of a ship.

The story was engaging and emotionally gripping. The opening scene in which George Kirk sacrifices his life to allow the escape pods to get away while his wife is giving birth to James Kirk caused more than a just a few moist eyes. Leonard Nimoy's cameo as Spock Prime was nice to see, and it played a more important role to the plot than I was expecting. The destruction of Vulcan was a powerful moment, especially for Trekkies. Destroying Vulcan is almost as drastic as destroying Earth to us. Another powerful moment was when Kirk antagonized Spock into losing control of his emotions, which lead to Spock beating the crap out of Kirk.

An awesome movie. I loved it. Loved it!

But there is a small part of me that can't stop thinking about the drastic changes this movie has made to the Star Trek universe. Destroying Vulcan in the prequel to everything else that has happened over the last 40+ years that Star Trek has been around is huge. The planet Vulcan is gone. Only about 10,000 Vulcans out of 6 billion survived. Tuvok, from Voyager, most likely will never be born. The Federation will be fundamentally changed. I actually woke up around 3:00 Sunday morning wandering how the galaxy will be different by the time TNG roles around. The Star Trek universe is changed. My Star Trek universe!

But, like I said, that's just a small part of me. I'm interested and eager to see what the future holds for the Star Trek franchise.

We didn't start the flame war

Watch We Didnt Start the Flame War on CollegeHumor

This video tickled me. College Humor has some funny stuff. You should check it out. Just a warning though: there is some bad language and this video in particular shows a picture of two girls making out.

LGAA Notes

So I spent three days in Red Deer last week at the Local Government Administrators Association annual convention. When the first guest speaker started speaking, all of my fellow interns grabbed a pen and paper and started taking notes. "Pssshhh!" I said. "Notes! This isn't school." So I picked up my own pen and paper and took smart-ass notes. Some of the notes pertained to what the speaker said, and some were just random thoughts. I've provided parenthetical explanations where I deemed it appropriate. Either way, here they are. Enjoy:

-I am taking notes.
-Not to take away from her point, but I have never liked the letter E.
-The more she says "I Generation," the more I want to listen to my iPod.
-"I'll burn the building down." (This is an Office Space quote. The speaker was talking about a person who was upset that someone took her stapler."
-www.mikemackenzie.com
-"Join the I Generation" sounds like a Pepsi slogan.
-It should be FIPP, not FOIP. (This is referring to Alberta's Freedom of Information and Protection of Privacy Act, which is commonly abbreviated as FOIP, much to my chagrin.)
-Rod is such an A-hole.
-Uh-oh! Not the C-word!
-Mmm! Gum!
-Hey, that rhymes!
-Tee-hee-hee! She said panties!
-I lay on my back and put both legs in at the same time.
-Suck it, Lizzy! (Lizzy being Queen Elizabeth II)
-Nobody likes a smart-ass, Mik. (My name tag at the convention read "Mik MacKenzie," which amused me to no end.)
-Just like in Smallville.
-I'm a loner. A rebel.
-"But I still love technology/Always and forever."
-"How can anyone not like you?"
-Why are toothless children cute, but toothless adults are ugly?
-Real notes?
-Yeah, I can do that. (This has nothing to do with the "real notes" comment.)
1. Yes
2. Yeah
3. This does not apply
-170,000
-My doodling is usually words. I word doodle.
-Ha-ha-ha! "My beans!"
-Smartiac Attacks!
-I bet no one else in the room doodled Cthulu burning down the hotel. (The speaker had earlier encouraged us to doodle, and then at this point said that he bets that six or seven people in the room doodled the same thing. I'm pretty sure I was an exception, because I had doodled Cthulu stand above a burning picture of Red Deer's Capri Centre and saying, "Blargh! My arms are too short!")
-Hooray for ABBA!
-I think Kurtis was abducted by aliens. Or maybe eaten by Cthulu.
-Slums of Jakarta would make a pretty good band name.
-My name is not Mik. It's not Erik, either.
-She looks like an older version of Maria Keen. (Maria was a friend of mine in my single days.)
-This is the most boring birthday ever. I better win the laptop. (I didn't.) It's not the worst birthday ever, though.
-Except for Highway 21, of course.
-I should grow my hair long enough to stick a pen in it. Or maybe my beard.
-31 years old, and I have a zit on my nose.
-2+2 does not equal 6, stupid.
-time for the birthday dance! (Then I drew I stick figure dancing.)
-Who's talking?
-I hate it when people say "were" instead of "we're".
-"The near term"; I like that.

I had four more pages of quality notes from Thursday, but the cleaning staff threw them away when I wasn't looking.