I am hyperferrianism. Most people think that this is my made-up name, and that Mike MacKenzie is my real name, but the opposite is true.
I was born March 20, 2178. To save me from being devoured by the skinless beast birds of Xxylgn IV, rulers of Earth starting in 2145, my father (who is also my great-great-great-great-grandson) took me directly from my birthing matrix and sent me 200 years back through time using the time machine he had recently invented. There, in the year 1978, he put me in the care of his great-great-great-great-great-grandfather, the man that I call father, even though he is, in actuality, my great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather.
It was in 1978 that I met my current
nemesis, Jake Heninger, the baby who would, as a man, betray me, his country, and his own brother (Sir Headolence). Yes, even though I'm not evil anymore, Jake is still my nemesis.
I started on my career as a tiger trainer at an early age. I captured the tiger in this picture when I was eight years old during one of my many jaunts to Primorsky Krai in far eastern Siberia. I stole it directly off of its mother's teat. I raised it to adulthood and rode it like a horse in the local circus until I tired of the thrill in 1911. Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention that, as soon as I was old enough to read the instructions, I used my father/great-great-great-great-grandson's time machine to explore time. I was often accompanied by Jake and his younger brother Noah, who was later knighted Sir Headolence the Dubious by Queen Elizabeth II in 1967, a full 14 years before he was born.
I started school in Fall River, Nova Scotia in 1983. Eight years later, in 1953, I travelled to Korea and invented modern Tae Kwan Do.
At the time, the coloured belt ranking system hadn't been adopted yet; that's why I'm wearing a white belt in this photo.
As teenagers, I travelled to the year 2056 with Sir Headolence and Jake to find out what future pizza tastes like. The above picture, taken at an upscale laser pizza restaurant, is the beginning of the tension that would mount to volcanic proportions between the three of us. Sir Head and Jake had an argument over which was better: laser pizza or space burgers. Jake became so irritated that Sir Head needed to do the defensive hand gesture from the art of Hand-fi-tsi-gwa energy field manipulation, an art developed by Sir Headolence himself.
After that, I decided to head to 1922 rural USA and relax with some of the locals just so I could calm down.
Not long after my time in the roaring '20s, I travelled to the year 1998, where I posed as an LDS missionary and set up shop in Region VIII of the Philippines. I spent two years there. It was during this year that I formed a singing dancing pop sensation group with three other false Mormon missionaries, an American calling himself Elder Jones, and two Filipinas calling themselves Sister Espinas and Sister Layante. Together, we were E. MacK and the Amero-Pinoy Posse
I returned to Canada in 2000 at the age of 22, which, oddly enough, is the same year that I would have turned 22 years if I had stayed in the normal stream of time after originally arriving in 1978. It didn't last long, though. Sir Headolence approached me shortly after my return and informed me that the time for my full training had come. We got into my time machine and travelled to the distanct future, the year 78021, where we spent the next ten years fighting the Telepathic Carrot Men of Giggididia Prime. (The Giggididian's deposed the Xxylgnians 300 years previously.) After liberating the long-repressed humans and setting up the New Earth Government, Sir Headolence and I returned to the present day where we use our inhuman reservoir of knowledge to blog.
Oh, and we married women during ourtime in the 781st century, and they bore us many younglings. We brought them all back with us when we came back to the present.
