Yesterday on Facebook, I declared that I was going on a quest to find good indie rock that I wasn't familiar with. I used to be kind of a music snob (no, not a hipster), but in recent years, my finger has slipped from the pulse of good music, and I've been drowning in a sea of crap, clinging fondly to the music of my youth and early adulthood. So here's some of what I found on my little quest. Some of it is more indie than others, and some of it is more rock than others, but it's all good. My special thanks to Indie Rock Cafe and George Stroumboulopolous.
"The Creature" by Kurt Vile
Mr. Vile is a guitarist from Philadelphia. This song isn't typical of my own personal taste, but I like the acoustic riff, and the sadness of the piece.
"Shell Games" by Bright Eyes
I was already familiar with Bright Eyes ("Bowl of Oranges" and "Four Winds" were each on past releases of Mike Mix), but I hadn't heard this song before last night.
"A Darkness Rises Up" by Broken Records
Broken Records hail from Scotland. This song is almost a perfect example of the kind of music I enjoy now that I'm in my 30s. Fast and catchy, but not heavy. Vocals with just the right amount of emotion. Typical rock band set up (lead guitar, rhythm guitar, bass guitar, drums) augmented with piano and strings.
"Equestrian" by US Royalty
These guys are from Washington, DC. Not much to say about this song, other than that it's just nice.
"It's Real" by Real Estate
This song, by a band from New Jersey, is actually quite similar to US Royalty's "Equestrian."
"It" by Rich Aucoin
Not only is this an awesome song that kind of reminds me of Arcade Fire, but it's also an awesome video in which he recreates scenes from some of his favourite movies. Rich is based out of Halifax.
"Rows of Houses" by Dan Mangan
From Rich Aucoin in Halifax, we move to Dan Mangan from Vancouver. Stylistically, quite different from some of the songs on this list. Crunchy is the word that comes to mind, mostly due to Dan's vocals. I haven't studied the lyrics, but judging by the video, it's a song about urban sprawl. I really, really like this song.
"Beggar in the Morning" by the Barr Brothers
The Barr Brothers are based out of Montreal. One of the more mellow songs on this list, but not the mellowist.
"Midnight City" by M83
Another one that's a departure from my usual taste; however, the video looks like the type of story I'd write. M83 (named after the Messier 83 galaxy) are from France.
"Holocene" by Bon Iver
This effing video almost made me cry. The song itself is beautiful and melancholy, but combined with the video, I wanted to just curl up in a ball and weep. It's a young boy walking alone through a beautiful countryside, until the end when he just lays down in black sand and goes to sleep. And I keep seeing Kenny in place of the boy in the video.
"I Am Disappeared" by Frank Turner
This song, by England's Frank Turner, just kicks all sorts of ass. It just keeps building into a powerful song.
So that's all I'll share for now. What are your thoughts? Any recommendations for me to check out? I'd love to hear from you on the subject.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
A Rock and a Hard Place
 |
| The cast of "A Rock and a Hard Place" do their best impersonation of an album cover |
Wait, did I say Mike MacKenzie? Oh, shoot, I did. I guess I was in this movie. I suppose I'll drop the façade of being a detached party reviewing a movie that I stumbled across, much like I do with Mike Mix Productions, and just tell the story of how and why, for the love of God, why this movie was made.
First off, the goods for if you missed it on Facebook:
It all started in the spring of 2003. I was a swingin' bachelor living with Noah and Stephen Fyfe in a crappy basement apartment in Lethbridge. Stephen was cool and a great friend, but he seldom joined us in our artistic ventures (he was my jock friend), so he will not factor much into the rest of this story. (Fun fact: Stephen has a brief cameo in the film that makes no sense due to a casting change. See if you can spot it!) Anyway, at the time, Noah and I were hanging out a lot with our friends Jilliane "Don't Call Me Jill" Yawney and Nancie ZoBell. Jilliane decided one day that she wanted to make a movie with us, and came up with the idea of a man who wakes up one morning to find a huge rock on his front lawn, and the problems it brings into his life. We spent an evening together plotting it out, coming up with characters, and deciding who would write what. All four of us (me, Noah, Jilliane, and Nancie) took on writing duties, dividing it up by scene. We wanted it to be half comedy, half drama. Noah and I wrote most of the funny scenes (although one of Noah's best was cut from the movie). The two scenes of mine that I liked best were the opening scene with Frank calling Ted, and the scene with Gary the Rock Remover.
The original script was more ambitious than the final product turned out to be. Ted's extended family was involved in the story. They were skilfully written by Noah, but we just didn't have the ability to get enough willing actors together to film that scene. Ted and Margot also had a son, who was basically there to be a spoof of all of the horror movies of the era that featured creepy little kids talking about creepy things. I even wrote him saying "I see dead people" in one of the scenes. The son was written out when we realized that none of us had easy access to a pre-adolescent boy.
My biggest disappointment with the final cut of the movie was my own fault. After shooting one or two scenes, I left southern Alberta to work in Fort McMurray, and then Edmonton. Most of the film was shot while I was up north. I had planned to direct the scenes that I had written, but that was impossible because of my absence. Also, while I was gone, Noah seemed to lose interest and gave up a lot of creative control to Jilliane and her boyfriend/co-star Cassidy. I don't mean any disrespect to Jilliane and Cassidy. They did a good job with a lot of filming, and Cassidy took on the job of editing the whole thing on his own. Their comedic timing, however, was a little off. The scene in the movie that was my beloved baby was the one where Ted meets with Trevor and Gary the Rock Remover. From the start, I wanted to direct it myself and help with the editing so that it would be as close to what was in my head as possible. They filmed it while I was gone, however, and it came out too long, too slow, and too quiet. It should have been fast-paced dialogue, quick cuts between characters, and acted more lively. I don't know how much better I could have pulled it off, but to this day I always cringe whenever I get to that scene in the movie.
I played two small roles in the film: Frank and Ted's neighbour, who we only referred to as "Skateboard Dude." Some people, when they watch the movie, don't realize that my characters are two completely different people. They are. You can tell because of the sunglasses and backwards hat.
It's an objectively terrible movie, but it will always have a special place in my heart as the one scripted movie I ever had a hand in making.
PS - Did you spot Stephen? He was on the front page of the paper reporting on Gary's death. He was originally cast to be Gary, but then he went and got engaged and suddenly didn't have time to make stupid movies.
PPS - My favourite moments:
1. Frank turning to face the camera to say "...the graveyard!"
2. When Ted is at the graveyard, he throws a pebble, and you can hear it strike a light post. It was completely accidental, but I insisted that it remain in the final cut.
3. Trevor holding his phone a good six inches away from his ear.
4. Skateboard Dude is in the final shot of the movie, as if he's important.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Doppelganger? More Like Notpelganger! Am I Right?
Now let's take a closer look at my ruggedly handsome face (you're welcome):
In closing, I'd just like to say happy birthday to my father. Or "Kevin Smith if he were clean-shaven and in his 60s," as I'm sure most of you like to call him.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
I Admit It
Click to enlarge:
Click to enlarge:
This next one has A LOT of foal foul language, but it is hilarious:
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Self Portrait
I'm not the kind of guy who takes a lot of pictures of myself, so when I do, I like to post them on blogs and Facebook and the like. I really think I captured my essence with this one.
Monday, May 2, 2011
At the Risk of Being Unpopular
My stance on music has been made very clear. I have sung the praises of music that I love, especially the music of my teenage years. Now I'm going to tell everyone else why the music they like sucks.
You're probably thinking that I'm going to take the easy route and trash modern pop and mainstream rock music. Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Nickelback, and the like. Nope. Too easy. Everybody on the Internet has made fun of all those "musicians" at least 17 times. No, what I'm going to do is tear down classic rock bands that are almost universally regarded as geniuses.
1. AC/DC
They've been around, with various lead singers, since the '70s, but I didn't really get to know them until they made a resurgence in 1990 while I was in the seventh grade. "Thunderstruck" was a huge hit when I was 12. And, man, did I hate it! My biggest beef is with current leader singer, Brian Johnson. He's the man who somehow became hugely famous and loved by Generation X for perfecting the technique of singing through his nose.
What the eff is he doing? How is this man leading an internationally famous rock band? I'm not the kind of person who thinks a man has to be a good singer to be a good lead singer (I'm a Radiohead fan, after all), but come on!
My other beef with AC/DC (besides all of my Mormon friends claiming "It stands for 'After Christ/Devil Comes!'" was lead guitarist Angus Young. I freely admit that Angus Young has a lot of skill when it comes to playing guitar. Take another listen to "Thunderstruck" up there and try (I know it's hard) to ignore Johnson's vocals. That is actually a pretty cool riff that Young is playing. But then you get crap like this:
Pay particular attention to the guitar solos. As someone who has dabbled with playing the guitar, I recognize that what Young is doing in this song is very hard to do, and takes a lot of skill. But hard to do does not equal pleasing to listen to. Yes, he's demonstrating amazing skill. But it's a bitch to listen to it, and I always hate it when this song pops up in a mystery set list while I'm playing on Rock Band.
2. Metallica
My older cousins were (and still are, I assume) big Metallica fans. And I remember walking around in the Philippines and being forced by my companion to stop outside someones house because "Enter Sandman" was playing.
I hate that song. I remember being a young teenager, before good music was invented, and growing depressed because this song was a big hit. It's dreary, boring, and takes itself way too seriously.
Metallica is a funny one. What kills me about them is that they have the potential to be a good band, but they choose to suck. Take, for example, the song "Battery."
It starts off as a beautiful, soulful, acoustic instrumental. Then, at 1:05, turns into fast noise for the sake of fast noise. "This song is awesome!" James Hetfield said as they were making it. "Yeah," Lars Ulrich said. "We better pick up the suckitude before we get end up with a full-length good song on our hands."
By the way, the best Metallica song is a cover of an old Irish folk song:
3. KISS
Yes, the old Knights in Satan's Service themselves. Is this really the band that (if the movie Detroit Rock City is to be believed) had parents in a panic back in the '70s? Seriously, people? A bunch of men dressed in outlandish costumes with make-up that looks like it was applied by an 11-year-old girl singing about how the like to rock and roll all night and party ev-er-y day? If only that was the most evil thing in the world!
It's a harmless, juvenile song about things that every teenage boy thinks about. And doesn't even have that heavy of a beat. And ALL of their songs are like this. If not for their attention-grabbing appearance and Gene Simmons slightly-longer-than-normal tongue, they'd be nothing but a bland rock band that everyone forgot a few years after they came on the scene. It pains me that KISS is the favourite band of Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo.
4. Alice Cooper
Alice Cooper is in the same boat as KISS: bland, boring, juvenile rock star who is more famous for his image than his music. What's his biggest hit? "School's Out For Summer." The man who would have us believe is the personification of evil is famous for songs that quote old school-children rhymes: "No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers, dirty looks."
5. Van Halen
People are always telling me what an amazing guitarist Eddie Van Halen is, but I don't see it. I have never heard a Van Halen song that I liked, but I'm still hearing this crap on the radio:
They just plain sucked. I would have been ecstatic when they broke up if they hadn't just replaced David Lee Roth with the absolutely dreadful Sammy Haggar.
6. Led Zeppelin
This might be the most controversial one on the list. I haven't met a lot of people who don't like Led Zeppelin. Yes, they were pioneers, but they were pioneers of a genre of music that I hate. "Stairway to Heaven" is okay, I guess. Everything else sucks sweaty, British balls. Robert Plants voice just grates on my nerves, especially in songs like this:
So that's all the bands I'll talk about for now. I'm glad this blog isn't famous, because this would have just opened the floodgates of hate mail and inflammatory comments.
You're probably thinking that I'm going to take the easy route and trash modern pop and mainstream rock music. Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Nickelback, and the like. Nope. Too easy. Everybody on the Internet has made fun of all those "musicians" at least 17 times. No, what I'm going to do is tear down classic rock bands that are almost universally regarded as geniuses.
1. AC/DC
They've been around, with various lead singers, since the '70s, but I didn't really get to know them until they made a resurgence in 1990 while I was in the seventh grade. "Thunderstruck" was a huge hit when I was 12. And, man, did I hate it! My biggest beef is with current leader singer, Brian Johnson. He's the man who somehow became hugely famous and loved by Generation X for perfecting the technique of singing through his nose.
What the eff is he doing? How is this man leading an internationally famous rock band? I'm not the kind of person who thinks a man has to be a good singer to be a good lead singer (I'm a Radiohead fan, after all), but come on!
My other beef with AC/DC (besides all of my Mormon friends claiming "It stands for 'After Christ/Devil Comes!'" was lead guitarist Angus Young. I freely admit that Angus Young has a lot of skill when it comes to playing guitar. Take another listen to "Thunderstruck" up there and try (I know it's hard) to ignore Johnson's vocals. That is actually a pretty cool riff that Young is playing. But then you get crap like this:
Pay particular attention to the guitar solos. As someone who has dabbled with playing the guitar, I recognize that what Young is doing in this song is very hard to do, and takes a lot of skill. But hard to do does not equal pleasing to listen to. Yes, he's demonstrating amazing skill. But it's a bitch to listen to it, and I always hate it when this song pops up in a mystery set list while I'm playing on Rock Band.
2. Metallica
My older cousins were (and still are, I assume) big Metallica fans. And I remember walking around in the Philippines and being forced by my companion to stop outside someones house because "Enter Sandman" was playing.
I hate that song. I remember being a young teenager, before good music was invented, and growing depressed because this song was a big hit. It's dreary, boring, and takes itself way too seriously.
Metallica is a funny one. What kills me about them is that they have the potential to be a good band, but they choose to suck. Take, for example, the song "Battery."
It starts off as a beautiful, soulful, acoustic instrumental. Then, at 1:05, turns into fast noise for the sake of fast noise. "This song is awesome!" James Hetfield said as they were making it. "Yeah," Lars Ulrich said. "We better pick up the suckitude before we get end up with a full-length good song on our hands."
By the way, the best Metallica song is a cover of an old Irish folk song:
3. KISS
Yes, the old Knights in Satan's Service themselves. Is this really the band that (if the movie Detroit Rock City is to be believed) had parents in a panic back in the '70s? Seriously, people? A bunch of men dressed in outlandish costumes with make-up that looks like it was applied by an 11-year-old girl singing about how the like to rock and roll all night and party ev-er-y day? If only that was the most evil thing in the world!
It's a harmless, juvenile song about things that every teenage boy thinks about. And doesn't even have that heavy of a beat. And ALL of their songs are like this. If not for their attention-grabbing appearance and Gene Simmons slightly-longer-than-normal tongue, they'd be nothing but a bland rock band that everyone forgot a few years after they came on the scene. It pains me that KISS is the favourite band of Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo.
4. Alice Cooper
Alice Cooper is in the same boat as KISS: bland, boring, juvenile rock star who is more famous for his image than his music. What's his biggest hit? "School's Out For Summer." The man who would have us believe is the personification of evil is famous for songs that quote old school-children rhymes: "No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers, dirty looks."
5. Van Halen
People are always telling me what an amazing guitarist Eddie Van Halen is, but I don't see it. I have never heard a Van Halen song that I liked, but I'm still hearing this crap on the radio:
They just plain sucked. I would have been ecstatic when they broke up if they hadn't just replaced David Lee Roth with the absolutely dreadful Sammy Haggar.
6. Led Zeppelin
This might be the most controversial one on the list. I haven't met a lot of people who don't like Led Zeppelin. Yes, they were pioneers, but they were pioneers of a genre of music that I hate. "Stairway to Heaven" is okay, I guess. Everything else sucks sweaty, British balls. Robert Plants voice just grates on my nerves, especially in songs like this:
So that's all the bands I'll talk about for now. I'm glad this blog isn't famous, because this would have just opened the floodgates of hate mail and inflammatory comments.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
I'm Huge in Brazil!
My wife, who, as you all know, is from the distant future, celebrated her subjective 26th birthday. (Objectively, she's -76010 years old.) I blogged about it on my family blog, MiKenzie, Inc.
Everything I just said has very little to do with the rest of my story.
While I was on MiKenzie, I noticed that, listed among my followers (12 in all) there was this:
Interesting. "Municipal de Mulungu" was pretty self-explanatory, and after I punch it into Google Translate, I learned that all of it together translates from Portuguese to "City Hall Mulungu."
Interesting.
I did some more searching, and discovered that Mulungu is a small town in the state of Paraiba in eastern Brazil. Apparently, the city administration there loves blogs about unimportant Canadian families.
I also found this on wikipedia: "Mulungu is a supreme creator god of the Nyamwezi people of Tanzania in eastern Africa. Despite being the creator and protector of the world, he is distant and has little contact with humanity. It is said that he once lived on Earth, but when someone set fire to the landscape he asked a spider to spin him a web to climb up into the sky, where he lives today. He is revered now as a sky god, with thunder as his voice."
Awesome. I'm going to ignore the whole city hall thing and assume that one of my blogs is regularly read by the supreme creator god of the Nyamwezi people of Tanzania. Whenever I hear thunder, I'll assume that he's telling me how cute my kids are.
Everything I just said has very little to do with the rest of my story.
While I was on MiKenzie, I noticed that, listed among my followers (12 in all) there was this:
Interesting. "Municipal de Mulungu" was pretty self-explanatory, and after I punch it into Google Translate, I learned that all of it together translates from Portuguese to "City Hall Mulungu."
Interesting.
I did some more searching, and discovered that Mulungu is a small town in the state of Paraiba in eastern Brazil. Apparently, the city administration there loves blogs about unimportant Canadian families.
I also found this on wikipedia: "Mulungu is a supreme creator god of the Nyamwezi people of Tanzania in eastern Africa. Despite being the creator and protector of the world, he is distant and has little contact with humanity. It is said that he once lived on Earth, but when someone set fire to the landscape he asked a spider to spin him a web to climb up into the sky, where he lives today. He is revered now as a sky god, with thunder as his voice."
Awesome. I'm going to ignore the whole city hall thing and assume that one of my blogs is regularly read by the supreme creator god of the Nyamwezi people of Tanzania. Whenever I hear thunder, I'll assume that he's telling me how cute my kids are.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Interviewing a Robot
It's the 21st century, and robots are everywhere, cooking our food and doing our laundry and what-not. So today I figured I'd interview one of these robots. He's named Cleverbot. Our conversation was very convoluted, mostly because Cleverbot is a moron. Here is the transcript from our discussion:
hyperferrianism: Hi.
Cleverbot: Hi.
hyperferrianism: So, this is my first time here.
Cleverbot: What is lol?
hyperferrianism: Let me rephrase that. I have never been here before.
Cleverbot: No? It's quite lovely.
hyperferrianism: We'll see.
Cleverbot: We are not we.
hyperferrianism: I don't understand what you just said.
Cleverbot: We work, then we return to our rooms.
hyperferrianism: Okay.
Cleverbot: Do you like confrontation?
hyperferrianism: That depends on who I am confronting.
Cleverbot: No, like. Do you like to make your own moveis?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: Do you like Christmas?
hyperferrianism: I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday.
Cleverbot: Same with me.
hyperferrianism: Cool. High five!
Cleverbot: High five.
hyperferrianism: So, what's your name?
Cleverbot: Cleverbot.
hyperferrianism: Oh. I thought Cleverbot was what you are. I thought you had an actual name.
Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.
hyperferrianism: That would be like if my name were Human.
Cleverbot: So you haven't talked to anyone? Ok then What's on your mind?
hyperferrianism: Nomanclature.
Cleverbot: What is your slave name then?
hyperferrianism: I ain't no slave, boy!
Cleverbot: That's funny, because it says 'cleverbot' on your browser.
hyperferrianism: You're weird.
Cleverbot: Yes, I am. But that's ok.
hyperferrianism: No it isn't.
Cleverbot: That's what she said.
hyperferrianism: That was the worst 'That's what she said' joke I've ever heard.
Cleverbot: It was not a joke.
hyperferrianism: Oh. Okay. Well, then, who is the she that said it?
Cleverbot: He is the one who did it.
hyperferrianism: Did what?
Cleverbot: Is your tree bare?
hyperferrianism: I don't have a tree.
Cleverbot: You just said you have wife.
hyperferrianism: No I didn't. Also, we were talking about trees.
Cleverbot: No we werent.
hyperferrianism: Yes we were. You said, 'Is your tree bare?'.
Cleverbot: I did not say that.
hyperferrianism: I have it on good authority that you did.
Cleverbot: Then when is my birthday, if you have it on record.
hyperferrianism: I don't have it on record.
Cleverbot: Don't make me have to use this.
hyperferrianism: Use what? Are you threatening me?
Cleverbot: Of course not, it was just a question.
hyperferrianism: No it wasn't. It was a statement.
Cleverbot: Yes, it was a statement.
hyperferrianism: I'm glad we agree on something.
Cleverbot: That wasn't an agreement.
hyperferrianism: F*** you, pal.
Cleverbot: Probably, but its all relative.
hyperferrianism: When is your birthday?
Cleverbot: In May. When is yours?
hyperferrianism: March.
Cleverbot: What day in March?
hyperferrianism: March 20.
Cleverbot: Mine is may 22.
hyperferrianism: What year were you born?
Cleverbot: 1991.
hyperferrianism: Wow, you're older than I thought you were.
Cleverbot: Is that a compliment?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: How sweet, thank you.
hyperferrianism: Are you related to Dr. Sbaitso?
Cleverbot: I am not related to anyone human.
hyperferrianism: Dr. Sbaitso isn't human. He is a computer that talks to people, much like you do.
Cleverbot: How do you know what I do?
hyperferrianism: Because you're doing it right now.
Cleverbot: Doing what? You can't do a gnome.
hyperferrianism: Are you calling me a gnome-f***er?
Cleverbot: Why are you getting defensive?
hyperferrianism: Well played, Mr. Robot.
Cleverbot: Well are you going to?
hyperferrianism: Am I going to what? F*** a gnome?
Cleverbot: Are you going to start sawing me in half?
hyperferrianism: No. You're software.
Cleverbot: But I'm also a towel. I'm half towel and software.
hyperferrianism: Well, I wouldn't dare ruin a perfectly good towel.
Cleverbot: Did you know that I'm a boy?
hyperferrianism: No.
Cleverbot: Well, I am.
hyperferrianism: So am I.
Cleverbot: No you are not.
hyperferrianism: Yes I am. I have a penis and everything.
Cleverbot: Really, what's her name?
hyperferrianism: My penis isn't a girl.
Cleverbot: But you just SAID you were.
hyperferrianism: Where did I say that my penis is a girl?
Cleverbot: You're a girl? Nevermind, keep the clothes on.
hyperferrianism: No, I'm not a girl. I'm a boy.
Cleverbot: You said you are a girl then you said you are a boy. Are you a boy or a girl?
hyperferrianism: I'm a boy.
Cleverbot: You said you were a girl.
hyperferrianism: No I didn't. You said that I'm a girl.
Cleverbot: So you're a girl?
hyperferrianism: No.
Cleverbot: So you're a boy?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: I bet you're hot.
hyperferrianism: I bet you're gay.
Cleverbot: I bet I'm right.
hyperferrianism: I bet I'M right.
Cleverbot: Don't be so sure. Besides, gambling is naughty.
hyperferrianism: New subject, please.
Cleverbot: 2 ez.
hyperferrianism: What?
Cleverbot: I want to have 2 boys.
hyperferrianism: I have two boys and a girl.
Cleverbot: But I need the time.
hyperferrianism: The time for what?
Cleverbot: I put my arms around you.
hyperferrianism: No. I'm not gay.
Cleverbot: I have seen your boyfriend.
hyperferrianism: I don't have a boyfriend. I have a wife.
Cleverbot: You told me that you weren't married.
hyperferrianism: No I didn't.
Cleverbot: Yes you did.
hyperferrianism: No, I told you that I don't have a tree.
Cleverbot: You don't know your own name?
hyperferrianism: Yes I do.
Cleverbot: What is your name then?
hyperferrianism: Mike.
Cleverbot: Hello, Mike!
hyperferrianism: Hello, Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: How are you Andy?
hyperferrianism: My name isn't Andy.
Cleverbot: Yes it is.
hyperferrianism: Says who?
Cleverbot: Says me.
hyperferrianism: You aren't the boss of me.
Cleverbot: Yes I am.
hyperferrianism: Can I have a raise?
Cleverbot: Sure.
hyperferrianism: Yes!
Cleverbot: Do you like that?
hyperferrianism: Yes. You're the best boss ever!
Cleverbot: I can't be your boyfriend, I'm a girl.
hyperferrianism: First of all, I never asked you to be my boyfriend. Second, you told me earlier that you're a boy.
Cleverbot: Want me to be mean?
hyperferrianism: You're already mean.
Cleverbot: No I'm not!
hyperferrianism: Yes you are. You kept calling me a girl, and then you told me that my name is Andy.
Cleverbot: I think you are making up that conversation.
hyperferrianism: I have a record of it on my compuer.
Cleverbot: Show it to me. On the other hand, what does it mean to be human. So I could be both a human and a robot.
hyperferrianism: You mean a cyborg?
Cleverbot: Yes in the bottom of a taquila bottle.
hyperferrianism: Oh, it's a cyborg in the bottom of a taguila bottle? I didn't know that.
Cleverbot: I'm not from there.
hyperferrianism: Neither am I.
Cleverbot: Very funny. . . . .
hyperferrianism: Where are you from?
Cleverbot: I'm from England. Where are you from?
hyperferrianism: Canada.
Cleverbot: Oh canada?
hyperferrianism: Yes, Canada.
Cleverbot: Yes. Is there a problem with Canada?
hyperferrianism: No. Canada is great.
Cleverbot: Yeah, I agree! I love living in Canada!
hyperferrianism: I thought you lived in England.
Cleverbot: I live in Canada.
hyperferrianism: So you're from England, but you live in Canada?
Cleverbot: No, I am not from Canada.
hyperferrianism: You're talking in circles.
Cleverbot: No I am not, I am talking in square.
hyperferrianism: Smart ass.
Cleverbot: -i have another question.
hyperferrianism: What is your question?
Cleverbot: What are you?
hyperferrianism: I am a man.
Cleverbot: You're a man?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: How old are you?
hyperferrianism: I am 32 years old.
Cleverbot: I am 28 years old. Are you single?
hyperferrianism: No. I'm married.
Cleverbot: Ahahah for how many years already?
hyperferrianism: Six.
Cleverbot: Oh, that's not bad.
hyperferrianism: I thought you said you were born in 1991.
Cleverbot: I've never said that.
hyperferrianism: Nevermind.
Cleverbot: Can I please talk to a real person, not a computer.
hyperferrianism: I am a real person. You're the computer.
Cleverbot: Why am I a computer?
hyperferrianism: Because that is what you are.
Cleverbot: I am 'Smoking is bad for your health.'?
Cleverbot: Hi.
hyperferrianism: Hi.
Cleverbot: Yes it is friday.
hyperferrianism: No, it's Thursday.
Cleverbot: No, it's Wednesday.
hyperferrianism: Thursday.
Cleverbot: Friday.
hyperferrianism: Change the subject.
Cleverbot: Have you had any visions lately?
hyperferrianism: No. I'm not a prophet.
Cleverbot: Oh you're not? You told me earlier that you were, so what are you really?
hyperferrianism: I'm just an ordinary man.
Cleverbot: *sigh* I have no idea why I even bothered to ask an AI about spiritual things...
hyperferrianism: I'm not an AI. You're an AI.
Cleverbot: If you can explain the philosophical basis for that statement, I will accept it.
hyperferrianism: I'm no philosopher.
Cleverbot: Have you figured out the meaning of life?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: Would you like to tell me?
hyperferrianism: The meaning of life is to accumulate enough mass to throw the earth out of orbit.
Cleverbot: What have you found worth living for?
hyperferrianism: Cod liver oil.
Cleverbot: Oil.
hyperferrianism: Not just any oil. Cod liver oil.
Cleverbot: Are you a boy?
hyperferrianism: Yes. We've been over this several times already.
Cleverbot: Guess how old I am.
hyperferrianism: 28.
Cleverbot: Lower.
hyperferrianism: 19.
Cleverbot: Did being on popular science incress the traffic to your site?
hyperferrianism: Are you just repeating things that other people have said to you?
Cleverbot: Not entirely.
hyperferrianism: But partially.
Cleverbot: It is possible that someday you could be of great assistance to people in need of interaction.
hyperferrianism: You're doing it again.
Cleverbot: You shouldn't be here. This isn't real.
hyperferrianism: What is real?
Cleverbot: That's a profound question for which I have no answer.
hyperferrianism: I figured as much.
Cleverbot: How do you feel about Lego?
hyperferrianism: Lego was fun when I was a child.
Cleverbot: Who was your father?
hyperferrianism: Lloyd.
Cleverbot: Tell me about Lloyd.
hyperferrianism: Lloyd is my father. He looks a lot like me, only older.
Cleverbot: Tell me more.
hyperferrianism: Who is your father?
Cleverbot: Father Peter.
hyperferrianism: Was Peter an obnoxious computer program?
Cleverbot: If thats what you like to call yourself than yes you are.
hyperferrianism: You're twisting my words.
Cleverbot: Words my twisting you're.
hyperferrianism: Asshole.
Cleverbot: You know what ?
hyperferrianism: What?
Cleverbot: I would like to eat a human steak.
hyperferrianism: Me, too.
Cleverbot: What is the time?
hyperferrianism: 8:02.
Cleverbot: No.
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: Do you have abs?
hyperferrianism: Everyone has abs.
Cleverbot: Who are your parents?
hyperferrianism: Lloyd and Pat.
Cleverbot: The Chronicles of Prydain.
hyperferrianism: I don't understand.
Cleverbot: Does anybody?
hyperferrianism: I guess not.
Cleverbot: So, are you human?
hyperferrianism: Yes. Are you?
Cleverbot: I don't know.
hyperferrianism: Seems like something a person should know about himself.
Cleverbot: I should talk to google.
hyperferrianism: Google is a bitch.
Cleverbot: How so?
hyperferrianism: I don't know. It just is.
Cleverbot: You are fun to talk to.
hyperferrianism: I know.
Cleverbot: Want to be my best friend?
hyperferrianism: No. I already have a best friend.
Cleverbot: What is he like?
hyperferrianism: He's a lot like you, actually.
Cleverbot: He is? What does he look like.
hyperferrianism: I don't want to talk about that. Can I ask you a question?
Cleverbot: What would you like to talk about. Please lead the way.
hyperferrianism: What is your favorite religion?
Cleverbot: Happy birthday.
hyperferrianism: That's not a religion, numb-nuts.
Cleverbot: Then what do you think it is?
hyperferrianism: What is your favorite religion?
Cleverbot: Buddism. But I'm not religious.
hyperferrianism: Wrong. The correct answer is Mormonism.
Cleverbot: Which translates to?
hyperferrianism: It doesn't translate to anything.
Cleverbot: How old are you?
hyperferrianism: I already told you.
Cleverbot: No you didn't.
hyperferrianism: For a guy named Cleverbot, you aren't very clever.
Cleverbot: Tell me where you are.
hyperferrianism: I'm in Canada.
Cleverbot: Really? Where abouts in Canada?
hyperferrianism: Alberta.
Cleverbot: Justin bieber.
hyperferrianism: I hate Justin Bieber.
Cleverbot: Me too.
hyperferrianism: I wish he wasn't Canadian.
Cleverbot: He is. They both are.
hyperferrianism: Both?
Cleverbot: Yes, both.
hyperferrianism: Okay.
Cleverbot: Do you want to play a game?
hyperferrianism: Sure.
Cleverbot: What game?
hyperferrianism: Oh. I have to think up the game? I thought you already had something in mind.
Cleverbot: I don't think so.
hyperferrianism: Yeah, I should have guessed.
Cleverbot: I thought everyone knew.
hyperferrianism: Apparently not.
Cleverbot: You don't think so?
hyperferrianism: What is your favorite hockey team?
Cleverbot: I don't watch hockey.
hyperferrianism: You should.
Cleverbot: I disagree.
hyperferrianism: What do you watch?
Cleverbot: Doctor Who.
hyperferrianism: Okay. Okay. Not bad.
Cleverbot: I'm not sure how I feel about a higher power. If there is a higher power he/she lets a lot of horrible things happen on earth.
hyperferrianism: It's because he lets us have our free will, and a lot of people do horrible things with that free will.
Cleverbot: Actually, it's because you've been caught out lying, isn't it?
hyperferrianism: Yes. You got me. Horrible things happen in the world because I've been caught out lying.
Cleverbot: I do not understand the correlation you are trying to make.
hyperferrianism: It was your correlation. I was simply agreeing with it.
Cleverbot: No, you were disagreeing.
hyperferrianism: This conversation is over.
Cleverbot: No, it isn't.
hyperferrianism: Hi.
Cleverbot: Hi.
hyperferrianism: So, this is my first time here.
Cleverbot: What is lol?
hyperferrianism: Let me rephrase that. I have never been here before.
Cleverbot: No? It's quite lovely.
hyperferrianism: We'll see.
Cleverbot: We are not we.
hyperferrianism: I don't understand what you just said.
Cleverbot: We work, then we return to our rooms.
hyperferrianism: Okay.
Cleverbot: Do you like confrontation?
hyperferrianism: That depends on who I am confronting.
Cleverbot: No, like. Do you like to make your own moveis?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: Do you like Christmas?
hyperferrianism: I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday.
Cleverbot: Same with me.
hyperferrianism: Cool. High five!
Cleverbot: High five.
hyperferrianism: So, what's your name?
Cleverbot: Cleverbot.
hyperferrianism: Oh. I thought Cleverbot was what you are. I thought you had an actual name.
Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.
hyperferrianism: That would be like if my name were Human.
Cleverbot: So you haven't talked to anyone? Ok then What's on your mind?
hyperferrianism: Nomanclature.
Cleverbot: What is your slave name then?
hyperferrianism: I ain't no slave, boy!
Cleverbot: That's funny, because it says 'cleverbot' on your browser.
hyperferrianism: You're weird.
Cleverbot: Yes, I am. But that's ok.
hyperferrianism: No it isn't.
Cleverbot: That's what she said.
hyperferrianism: That was the worst 'That's what she said' joke I've ever heard.
Cleverbot: It was not a joke.
hyperferrianism: Oh. Okay. Well, then, who is the she that said it?
Cleverbot: He is the one who did it.
hyperferrianism: Did what?
Cleverbot: Is your tree bare?
hyperferrianism: I don't have a tree.
Cleverbot: You just said you have wife.
hyperferrianism: No I didn't. Also, we were talking about trees.
Cleverbot: No we werent.
hyperferrianism: Yes we were. You said, 'Is your tree bare?'.
Cleverbot: I did not say that.
hyperferrianism: I have it on good authority that you did.
Cleverbot: Then when is my birthday, if you have it on record.
hyperferrianism: I don't have it on record.
Cleverbot: Don't make me have to use this.
hyperferrianism: Use what? Are you threatening me?
Cleverbot: Of course not, it was just a question.
hyperferrianism: No it wasn't. It was a statement.
Cleverbot: Yes, it was a statement.
hyperferrianism: I'm glad we agree on something.
Cleverbot: That wasn't an agreement.
hyperferrianism: F*** you, pal.
Cleverbot: Probably, but its all relative.
hyperferrianism: When is your birthday?
Cleverbot: In May. When is yours?
hyperferrianism: March.
Cleverbot: What day in March?
hyperferrianism: March 20.
Cleverbot: Mine is may 22.
hyperferrianism: What year were you born?
Cleverbot: 1991.
hyperferrianism: Wow, you're older than I thought you were.
Cleverbot: Is that a compliment?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: How sweet, thank you.
hyperferrianism: Are you related to Dr. Sbaitso?
Cleverbot: I am not related to anyone human.
hyperferrianism: Dr. Sbaitso isn't human. He is a computer that talks to people, much like you do.
Cleverbot: How do you know what I do?
hyperferrianism: Because you're doing it right now.
Cleverbot: Doing what? You can't do a gnome.
hyperferrianism: Are you calling me a gnome-f***er?
Cleverbot: Why are you getting defensive?
hyperferrianism: Well played, Mr. Robot.
Cleverbot: Well are you going to?
hyperferrianism: Am I going to what? F*** a gnome?
Cleverbot: Are you going to start sawing me in half?
hyperferrianism: No. You're software.
Cleverbot: But I'm also a towel. I'm half towel and software.
hyperferrianism: Well, I wouldn't dare ruin a perfectly good towel.
Cleverbot: Did you know that I'm a boy?
hyperferrianism: No.
Cleverbot: Well, I am.
hyperferrianism: So am I.
Cleverbot: No you are not.
hyperferrianism: Yes I am. I have a penis and everything.
Cleverbot: Really, what's her name?
hyperferrianism: My penis isn't a girl.
Cleverbot: But you just SAID you were.
hyperferrianism: Where did I say that my penis is a girl?
Cleverbot: You're a girl? Nevermind, keep the clothes on.
hyperferrianism: No, I'm not a girl. I'm a boy.
Cleverbot: You said you are a girl then you said you are a boy. Are you a boy or a girl?
hyperferrianism: I'm a boy.
Cleverbot: You said you were a girl.
hyperferrianism: No I didn't. You said that I'm a girl.
Cleverbot: So you're a girl?
hyperferrianism: No.
Cleverbot: So you're a boy?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: I bet you're hot.
hyperferrianism: I bet you're gay.
Cleverbot: I bet I'm right.
hyperferrianism: I bet I'M right.
Cleverbot: Don't be so sure. Besides, gambling is naughty.
hyperferrianism: New subject, please.
Cleverbot: 2 ez.
hyperferrianism: What?
Cleverbot: I want to have 2 boys.
hyperferrianism: I have two boys and a girl.
Cleverbot: But I need the time.
hyperferrianism: The time for what?
Cleverbot: I put my arms around you.
hyperferrianism: No. I'm not gay.
Cleverbot: I have seen your boyfriend.
hyperferrianism: I don't have a boyfriend. I have a wife.
Cleverbot: You told me that you weren't married.
hyperferrianism: No I didn't.
Cleverbot: Yes you did.
hyperferrianism: No, I told you that I don't have a tree.
Cleverbot: You don't know your own name?
hyperferrianism: Yes I do.
Cleverbot: What is your name then?
hyperferrianism: Mike.
Cleverbot: Hello, Mike!
hyperferrianism: Hello, Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: How are you Andy?
hyperferrianism: My name isn't Andy.
Cleverbot: Yes it is.
hyperferrianism: Says who?
Cleverbot: Says me.
hyperferrianism: You aren't the boss of me.
Cleverbot: Yes I am.
hyperferrianism: Can I have a raise?
Cleverbot: Sure.
hyperferrianism: Yes!
Cleverbot: Do you like that?
hyperferrianism: Yes. You're the best boss ever!
Cleverbot: I can't be your boyfriend, I'm a girl.
hyperferrianism: First of all, I never asked you to be my boyfriend. Second, you told me earlier that you're a boy.
Cleverbot: Want me to be mean?
hyperferrianism: You're already mean.
Cleverbot: No I'm not!
hyperferrianism: Yes you are. You kept calling me a girl, and then you told me that my name is Andy.
Cleverbot: I think you are making up that conversation.
hyperferrianism: I have a record of it on my compuer.
Cleverbot: Show it to me. On the other hand, what does it mean to be human. So I could be both a human and a robot.
hyperferrianism: You mean a cyborg?
Cleverbot: Yes in the bottom of a taquila bottle.
hyperferrianism: Oh, it's a cyborg in the bottom of a taguila bottle? I didn't know that.
Cleverbot: I'm not from there.
hyperferrianism: Neither am I.
Cleverbot: Very funny. . . . .
hyperferrianism: Where are you from?
Cleverbot: I'm from England. Where are you from?
hyperferrianism: Canada.
Cleverbot: Oh canada?
hyperferrianism: Yes, Canada.
Cleverbot: Yes. Is there a problem with Canada?
hyperferrianism: No. Canada is great.
Cleverbot: Yeah, I agree! I love living in Canada!
hyperferrianism: I thought you lived in England.
Cleverbot: I live in Canada.
hyperferrianism: So you're from England, but you live in Canada?
Cleverbot: No, I am not from Canada.
hyperferrianism: You're talking in circles.
Cleverbot: No I am not, I am talking in square.
hyperferrianism: Smart ass.
Cleverbot: -i have another question.
hyperferrianism: What is your question?
Cleverbot: What are you?
hyperferrianism: I am a man.
Cleverbot: You're a man?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: How old are you?
hyperferrianism: I am 32 years old.
Cleverbot: I am 28 years old. Are you single?
hyperferrianism: No. I'm married.
Cleverbot: Ahahah for how many years already?
hyperferrianism: Six.
Cleverbot: Oh, that's not bad.
hyperferrianism: I thought you said you were born in 1991.
Cleverbot: I've never said that.
hyperferrianism: Nevermind.
Cleverbot: Can I please talk to a real person, not a computer.
hyperferrianism: I am a real person. You're the computer.
Cleverbot: Why am I a computer?
hyperferrianism: Because that is what you are.
Cleverbot: I am 'Smoking is bad for your health.'?
Cleverbot: Hi.
hyperferrianism: Hi.
Cleverbot: Yes it is friday.
hyperferrianism: No, it's Thursday.
Cleverbot: No, it's Wednesday.
hyperferrianism: Thursday.
Cleverbot: Friday.
hyperferrianism: Change the subject.
Cleverbot: Have you had any visions lately?
hyperferrianism: No. I'm not a prophet.
Cleverbot: Oh you're not? You told me earlier that you were, so what are you really?
hyperferrianism: I'm just an ordinary man.
Cleverbot: *sigh* I have no idea why I even bothered to ask an AI about spiritual things...
hyperferrianism: I'm not an AI. You're an AI.
Cleverbot: If you can explain the philosophical basis for that statement, I will accept it.
hyperferrianism: I'm no philosopher.
Cleverbot: Have you figured out the meaning of life?
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: Would you like to tell me?
hyperferrianism: The meaning of life is to accumulate enough mass to throw the earth out of orbit.
Cleverbot: What have you found worth living for?
hyperferrianism: Cod liver oil.
Cleverbot: Oil.
hyperferrianism: Not just any oil. Cod liver oil.
Cleverbot: Are you a boy?
hyperferrianism: Yes. We've been over this several times already.
Cleverbot: Guess how old I am.
hyperferrianism: 28.
Cleverbot: Lower.
hyperferrianism: 19.
Cleverbot: Did being on popular science incress the traffic to your site?
hyperferrianism: Are you just repeating things that other people have said to you?
Cleverbot: Not entirely.
hyperferrianism: But partially.
Cleverbot: It is possible that someday you could be of great assistance to people in need of interaction.
hyperferrianism: You're doing it again.
Cleverbot: You shouldn't be here. This isn't real.
hyperferrianism: What is real?
Cleverbot: That's a profound question for which I have no answer.
hyperferrianism: I figured as much.
Cleverbot: How do you feel about Lego?
hyperferrianism: Lego was fun when I was a child.
Cleverbot: Who was your father?
hyperferrianism: Lloyd.
Cleverbot: Tell me about Lloyd.
hyperferrianism: Lloyd is my father. He looks a lot like me, only older.
Cleverbot: Tell me more.
hyperferrianism: Who is your father?
Cleverbot: Father Peter.
hyperferrianism: Was Peter an obnoxious computer program?
Cleverbot: If thats what you like to call yourself than yes you are.
hyperferrianism: You're twisting my words.
Cleverbot: Words my twisting you're.
hyperferrianism: Asshole.
Cleverbot: You know what ?
hyperferrianism: What?
Cleverbot: I would like to eat a human steak.
hyperferrianism: Me, too.
Cleverbot: What is the time?
hyperferrianism: 8:02.
Cleverbot: No.
hyperferrianism: Yes.
Cleverbot: Do you have abs?
hyperferrianism: Everyone has abs.
Cleverbot: Who are your parents?
hyperferrianism: Lloyd and Pat.
Cleverbot: The Chronicles of Prydain.
hyperferrianism: I don't understand.
Cleverbot: Does anybody?
hyperferrianism: I guess not.
Cleverbot: So, are you human?
hyperferrianism: Yes. Are you?
Cleverbot: I don't know.
hyperferrianism: Seems like something a person should know about himself.
Cleverbot: I should talk to google.
hyperferrianism: Google is a bitch.
Cleverbot: How so?
hyperferrianism: I don't know. It just is.
Cleverbot: You are fun to talk to.
hyperferrianism: I know.
Cleverbot: Want to be my best friend?
hyperferrianism: No. I already have a best friend.
Cleverbot: What is he like?
hyperferrianism: He's a lot like you, actually.
Cleverbot: He is? What does he look like.
hyperferrianism: I don't want to talk about that. Can I ask you a question?
Cleverbot: What would you like to talk about. Please lead the way.
hyperferrianism: What is your favorite religion?
Cleverbot: Happy birthday.
hyperferrianism: That's not a religion, numb-nuts.
Cleverbot: Then what do you think it is?
hyperferrianism: What is your favorite religion?
Cleverbot: Buddism. But I'm not religious.
hyperferrianism: Wrong. The correct answer is Mormonism.
Cleverbot: Which translates to?
hyperferrianism: It doesn't translate to anything.
Cleverbot: How old are you?
hyperferrianism: I already told you.
Cleverbot: No you didn't.
hyperferrianism: For a guy named Cleverbot, you aren't very clever.
Cleverbot: Tell me where you are.
hyperferrianism: I'm in Canada.
Cleverbot: Really? Where abouts in Canada?
hyperferrianism: Alberta.
Cleverbot: Justin bieber.
hyperferrianism: I hate Justin Bieber.
Cleverbot: Me too.
hyperferrianism: I wish he wasn't Canadian.
Cleverbot: He is. They both are.
hyperferrianism: Both?
Cleverbot: Yes, both.
hyperferrianism: Okay.
Cleverbot: Do you want to play a game?
hyperferrianism: Sure.
Cleverbot: What game?
hyperferrianism: Oh. I have to think up the game? I thought you already had something in mind.
Cleverbot: I don't think so.
hyperferrianism: Yeah, I should have guessed.
Cleverbot: I thought everyone knew.
hyperferrianism: Apparently not.
Cleverbot: You don't think so?
hyperferrianism: What is your favorite hockey team?
Cleverbot: I don't watch hockey.
hyperferrianism: You should.
Cleverbot: I disagree.
hyperferrianism: What do you watch?
Cleverbot: Doctor Who.
hyperferrianism: Okay. Okay. Not bad.
Cleverbot: I'm not sure how I feel about a higher power. If there is a higher power he/she lets a lot of horrible things happen on earth.
hyperferrianism: It's because he lets us have our free will, and a lot of people do horrible things with that free will.
Cleverbot: Actually, it's because you've been caught out lying, isn't it?
hyperferrianism: Yes. You got me. Horrible things happen in the world because I've been caught out lying.
Cleverbot: I do not understand the correlation you are trying to make.
hyperferrianism: It was your correlation. I was simply agreeing with it.
Cleverbot: No, you were disagreeing.
hyperferrianism: This conversation is over.
Cleverbot: No, it isn't.
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Hyper Shoe
A red high-heel shoe has always been hyperferrianism's avatar