If someone were to accuse me of being a smart-ass, I wouldn't deny it. One thing which I find absolutely annoying, yet participate in anyway, is the online survey. Most of them seem to be written by 14-year-old girls, and I hate them. Below are some of the answers to the questions that I feel proud of:
21. Do you like the oceαn?
Yes, very much, even though it tried to kill me that one time.
1. what are you doing right now?
Filling out a stupid meme
3. is it a complicated or simple situation?
Is what a complicated or simple situation?
1. Have you loved someone so much thαt you cried while trying to sleep?
Why would I do that?
3. text msg or msn?
Shoot me in the face
28.What is your favorite flower?
The rare North American bacon cheeseburger flower
41.Summer or winter?
I hate this question. AUTUMN!!! AUTUMN, damn it!!!!!
43.Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate or vanilla what?
73. Romantic or spontaneous?
I wasn't aware that those were mutually exclusive. In fact, I thought spontaneous was romantic.
75. Sensitive or loud?
Whoever wrote this survey needs to watch more Sesame Street to figure out what opposites are.
77. Trouble maker or hesitant?
Seriously, anonymous survey writer, buy yourself some Sesame Street DVDs.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY: I thought that was the point of the entire survey.
100. Posting this as 100 Truths?
Way to finish off with a bang, anonymous survey writer.
1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
First prom date? Do people get more than one prom? My prom date was Alison Quist.
28. Would you be a pirate?
I don't like to murder, I don't like to rape, I don't like to steal, and I don't like scurvy. So, no, I wouldn't be a pirate.
30. Favorite Girl's Name/s:
31. Favorite boy's name/s:
Baron Von Logitech
34. What vehicle do you drive?
The worst one.
Describe what you practically do in a day: What an awkward sentence. Does it mean what I do in a day that is practical? The placement of the adverb suggest what do I practically do, implying that I don't actually do these things, but that I'm close enough to practically be doing something. Or does the question mean, "What do I do practically everyday?" meaning what do I do almost everyday. In any case, I'm refusing to actually answer this question on the grounds of ambiguity.
Brittany Spears or Christina Agulara [sic]:
F*** you for even asking this.
In the past month have you eaten an entire box of oreos?
No. Also, I'd just like to point out that eating one box of Oreos in a month isn't that odd. It works out to maybe one cookie per day.
Are you asking when the last time I was sarcastic was, or am I sarcastic?
Are your fingers tired?
Are you implying that my fingers should be tired after typing roughly 100 words?
37. Ever have cream puffs?
Yes. I'd wager that most people have had cream puffs, so that makes this a stupid question to ask.
39. What was the last question you asked?
Do we have a plastic shopping bag that I can put this dead bird in? (I swear, that is honestly the last question I asked.)
60. What is your favorite animal?
Roast beef with mashed potatoes, yorkshire pudding, broccoli, corn, and gravy over everything. (This was an honest mistake. I wasn't reading very closely.)
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
25. WHO IS THE HOTTEST FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY
I am not aware of any hermaphrodite celebrities.
26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
I said I don't have one! F***!
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
How is this a "truth"? (The title of the meme was "100 Truths")
64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Mashed potatoes. (Really? Do they even compare? Macaroni and cheese is the epitome of poor people food. Mashed potatoes are the sidedish of nice meals.)
72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
I own a house. It has several rooms. One of them has a computer in it. I call that room the office.
75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
The following 17 questions in bold are a meme that I wrote myself:
(Inspired by all of that stupid crap floating around the Internet and e-mail forwards.)
1. Are you right-handed or wrong-handed?
2. If you were stranded on an island with only one book, one movie, and one person, how long would you last before killing and eating the other person? Also, good luck watching a movie with no TV, no DVD player, and no electicity.
About a month, assuming there are other things such as fruit and fish to keep me from starving in the interim.
3. Which, if any, foreign countries have you set foot in?
USA, Taiwan, Philippines, China.
4. Did you kill anyone while in any of those countries?
5. Give me one good reason, with SPECIFIC and CURRENT examples, why France sucks. ("They speak French" is not a good reason.)
I can't do it.
6. If you worked in government administration, would you prefer federal, provincial/state, or municipal? Why?
Municipal, because you're right there in the thick of things.
7. Do you have a Crush? If so, which flavour? Orange, cream soda, grape, or lime?
I don't currently have one, but the last one I had was cream soda. Lime is my favourite.
8. Have you ever shaved anything other than your face, armpits, legs, or head?
9. Are you annoyed that the word "random" seems to be replacing the word "miscellaneous" in our culture?
Yes. Yes, I am.
10. Do you spell it "etc." or "ect."?
11. It's "etc." Kenny G it! It's short for "et cetera"! "Ecsetera" isn't a word, no matter how many times you say it!
12. Do you have a birthday?
13. What's your religion? (Out of all of the stupid Internet memes I've read, with their insipid, repetitive questions, I don't think I've ever actually seen this one asked.)
14. Are you spontaneous or bilingual? (NO OTHER OPTIONS! THIS MULTIPLE CHOICE QUESTION IS EXHAUSTIVE! DON'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE IN YOUR ANSWER OTHER THAN THE OPTIONS I HAVE PROVIDED! THOSE TWO THINGS ARE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE! NO FURTHER EXPLANATION WILL BE PROVIDED!)
15. What was the first thing your father said to you EVER?
I don't know. Probably "Hi" or something along those lines.
16. Have you ever peed on a dead monkey?
I sure have.
17. What's your favourite Weezer album?
The Blue Album.
Life is full of...fluid
I am totally terrified of...your face!
21. What side do you dress to?
I don't understand this question.
26. Whose answers do you want to read the most?
33. Favorite girls name?
Countess Von Murderington
34. Favorite boy’s name?
Baron Von Fartsalot
48. What songs do you want played at your funeral?
Highway to Hell by AC/DC
28) If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
The last person I texted was my wife.
37) Would you ride a cow if you had the chance?
51) Ever kissed in [the rain]?
You already asked this question.
56) Tell me something no one really knows.
I gentleman never tells.
1. This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?
Gosh, no, I don't think I can. (I left the rest of the survey unanswered.)