Thursday, June 17, 2010

Bobby and the Dentist

Okay, before you read Bobby and the Dentist, you have to read Carrie's Punishment first.  Carrie's Punishment, as you all know, was written in 2001 by the talented writer, ashbucket2000.  It's a harrowing story about the consequences of our choices, filled with subtlety and intricate characterization.  I present it to you for your benefit, completely unedited and with the original formatting:

MOM!! PLEASE LET ME GO!!!!! said,Carrie

CARRIE! you know i dont approve of those kinda parties. said Carrie's mother

PLEASE!!! MOM..IM 16 years old.. And every one is gonna be there..I heard its gonna be the biggest party of the YEAR!!!!!!

Your right Carrie you are 16 years of age... said carrie's mom.

BUT MOM!!!I can take on responsability... said Carrie..

OK..THEN!!! CARRIE... I will let you go to this party!!!But you gotta tell me where this party is.. AND YOU WILL!!!I REPEAT..WILL BE HOME BY..AT LEAST 12:30..

OH THANK YOU MOM!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

The Nite of the Party Carrie was so excited.. For..Once in my life..some one at this party will actually think im Cool..Besides Latoya and Luara.. Maybe i can make more friends..and have a major improvment on my social life..She said to her self... So Carrie Got her things and hurried down stairs..

WELL!!!mom..What do you think.. said, carrie

Honey..You look like an angel.. MY little angel.. said,Carrie's MOM.. Remember NO DRINKING..NO DRUGS AND DONT LETS BOYS TAKE advantage of you..and when..

MOM!! I know...said Carrie,Interupting..

So you will be home by 12:30 at the latest and Ive got where the address to where this party is.. said,carrie's Mother..

YES! mom... I LOVE YOU!!! said, carrie

Ok sweety have a good time.. said her mother.. Carrie,gave her mother a kiss,said i love you.. walked out to the car..started it up...backed out of the drive way.. and headed on to the party... When,Carrie got there....She met up with a couple of her friends.. Latoya and Luara..

HEY GIRL!!!SUP!!!said,Luara

Hey said,Latoya, This Party is Slammin!!!

Hey wanna beer.. said,Luara..

NAHH..I better not.. said,carrie..

Aight thats cool Said,Luara.. any way come dance with me.. the girls began to dance and have a good time... Later on that nite..Carrie Bumped into some popular girls..

HEY carrie... said one of the girls..

Sup!! said, Carrie..

Having Fun,carrie

Yeah this party is Great.. said,carrie..

It would be much more fun if you have a beer and Relax.. said one of the girls..

No! i better not.My mom...

DO YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOUR MOTHER TELLS YOU TO!!! no wonder your social life is..CRAP!!! Said one of the girls..

NO!! I DONT ALWAYS!!! do what my mom tells me to.. Just to prove to you..I will have a BEER. said carrie.. Well maybe just one carrie thought to her self.. That first beer turned into two,three and four..until Carrie lost count. and lost track of time.. OH rap!!! as she looked at a near by clock on the wall..IT was nearly 1:55 A.M. luckly here comes Carrie's friends..

CARRIE..HEY GIRL..Can we get a ride.. said,Luara Our rides are like passed out some where and we cant find their sorry asses any where

Sure said carrie.. so the three girls staggered to the car drunk off their asses.. Luara got in the front seat..Turned on the music.after Carrie had started the car...

OH!!!YEAH!! Turn this bad boy UP!!! said, luara.

Carrie backed out onto the highway.. and down the road the three girls went.. THE CD PLYER BLASTIN..All three them drunk and carrying on..singing to the music they had on and talkin loud.. Non of them payed attention to the speed Or the Road.. Befor she new it she was speeding 85mph in a 55mph speed zone.. And yet befor she knew it..Only thing she remembers last is.. The screamimg of her two friends..her self screaming...the squeeling tires..broken glass..The head lights of the other Car..and every thing went black.. Next thing she knows she is waking up in intensive care to a docter and a nurse chatting away..at first she could not make out what they were saying..

Docter did the other two girls make it.. said, the nurse

The other two girls are intensive care...Im not sure if they are gonna make it.. Said,the Docter..

what about this girl..I do believe her name is carrie.... said the Nurse.

Im not sure if she is gonna make it..if she does..she will be paraized for the rest of her life.. Said,the Docter..

and DOCTER..what about the other driver did they make it...

No..Said, the Docter

HOW.IS THIS YOUNG GIRL GONNA..PAY FOR ALL THE DAMAGE SHE HAS DONE!!! said,Nurse

Dont worry..She will pay... said, the docter

HOW? said the nurse..

Well you know the driver in the othe car... said the docter

YES.. said the nurse

Well.. The other Driver was carrie's MOTHER 










That long empty space at the end was part of the original story; I didn't just add it on for fun.  So, anyway, a couple of years later, I was trying to overcome a problem with one of my stories.  I wanted someone to fake his death by killing someone else and mutilating the body so people would think it was him.  I was trying to think of a way that the dental records would be no help in identifying the corpse.  My roommate, Stephen, said, "Maybe he had really bad gingivitis."  I immediately started laughing.  When I could speak again, I said, "That's the worst case of gingivitis I've ever seen!  All of those teeth will have to go!"  Within hours, I had completed Bobby and the Dentist.  The reason I made you read ashbucket2000's masterpiece first is because the style in which I wrote BATD was inspired by Carrie's Punishment.  So here, for your reading pleasure, is Bobby and the Dentist:
 
"That's the worst case of gingivitis I've ever seen! All of those teeth will have to go."

"All of them, doctor?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so."

Bobby covered his mouth and shook his head.

"Come, now, Bobby," the dentist said. "You have no one to blame...but YOURSELF! It's what you get for not brushing properly. Now you must PAY."

"BUT," Bobby said, "I love my teeth. I use them...to EAT!"

"You should have thought of that before." The dentist set out his instruments on a tray. "Now you can wear dentures...like an OLD MAN!"

Bobby started to cry. Why didn't I listen to Mom? he thought. She always told me to brush everyday, but I neglected to do so. Now she's DEAD, and I'm about to lose all of my teeth.

"You'll get no sympathy from me," the dentist said. "Nurse! Prep this patient."

A woman came over to join them. "I believe I'm called a dental hygienist, not a nurse," she said as she pulled on a pair of rubber gloves.

"Whatever," the dentist said.

The woman put one of those paper bib things on Bobby. "Please," Bobby whimpered. "I'm only 19. Let me keep my teeth."

"STOP BLUBBERING!" the hygienist said. She turned the light on over Bobby's face. It blinded him!

Bobby clamped his hands over his mouth. He refused to let them pull his teeth.

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be," the dentist said. "Move your hands and open your mouth."

"MM-MM!" Bobby said and shook his head.

The dentist sighed.

The dental hygienist looked frightened.

"I was hoping it wouldn't have to come to this," the dentist said. "But you leave me NO CHOICE!" He turned and yelled, "Escobar! Your services are required!"

The hygienist screamed and fled the room.

A large hispanic man walked to the side of the reclined dental chair opposite the dentist. Bobby quivered at the sight of him.

The dentist nodded once.

Escobar reached down and broke three of Bobby's fingers.

Bobby howled in pain and craddled his injured hand against his chest.

"NOW!" the dentist said. "Hold his MOUTH open!"

Escobar's powerful hands held Bobby's mouth open as the dentist injected it with large quantities of novacain.

"I wanted to do this the easy way," the dentist said, "but you've forced me to do it the not-easy way, Bobby."

The dentist grabbed a tool from his tray and held it up for Bobby to see. It was a rusty pair of pliers, not a dentist's tool at all.

"Don't tell anyone about this, Bobby," the dentist said. "Escobar knows where you live."

The pliers moved closer to Bobby's face. As they did, Bobby realized that they weren't rusty after all. That reddish-brown stuff wasn't rust.

It was dried blood...

1 comment:

  1. "It blinded him!" That's my favourite part.

    ReplyDelete

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