Mike Mix 2010: a CD Review

I'm trying something new today.  Back when this blog was unfunny (before May 2010), I would occasionaly review movies.  I'm pretty sure I never reviewed an album, though.  I acquired a new CD yesterday.  Yes, I still buy CDs, even though I have an iPod.  Mp3 players are the worst thing ever in the history of music.

So, anyway, the CD I got yesterday was Mike Mix 2010.  This is the 15th year that MiKenzie Incorporated's Mike Mix Productions has released one of these compilation albums.  For a stretch of years in the last decade, this tired franchise released two Mike Mixes a year.  Thankfully, that trend has stopped, and the big wigs in MiKenzie's corporate offices have restrained themselves to one compilation per year.  Since the songs are by various artists, I will review each song separately:

Track 1:  "Can't Stop Partying" by Weezer
It's no secret that Weezer is my favourite band.  "Can't Stop Partying", which was earlier featured as a melancholy acoustic demo on Rivers Cuomo's solo album Alone II, has two honors: the first Weezer song to feature the dreaded F-word, and the first Weezer song to have a rapper breakdown midsong by the immortal Lil Wayne.  It's also driven by a techno beat, which is quite the departure for these alternative rock veterans who inspired countless hordes of geeky alternative rock bands.

Track 2: "Hysteria" by Muse
Interesting choice by Mike Mix Productions.  Not because it's a bad song (it kicks serious arse), but because it's seven years old, and Mike Mix 2003 Volume II contained "Stockholm Syndrome" from the same album.  Paragraph 11 Section iii(a) reads: "no Mike Mix compilation may contain a song from a source album that has previously been featured on a past Mike Mix compilation."  You're breaking the rules, MiKenzie Incorporated!  For shame!

Track 3: "Wasteland" by Inward Eye
The debut of Inward Eye on a Mike Mix.  Has anyone even heard of this band?  If you listened to alternative rock radio stations a year-and-a-half ago, you might have heard their single "Shame."  Maybe.

Track 4: "Gimme Sympathy" by Metric
This song is sung by a woman.  A Woman!  With ovaries and everything.  Shameful!

Track 5: "Laces Out" by Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker
Considering how famous they are, as far as Canadian alt rock bands go, I can't find anyone else besides me who has ever heard of USS.  Don't be fooled by the first few seconds of this track: it is not by House of Pain or Cypress Hill.

Track 6: "Turn Your Back" by Billy Talent
Billy Talent peeked with their debut single "Try Honesty" in 2003.  This doesn't stop MiKenzie Inc. from using their lesser tracks for their Mike Mixes.  Speaking of washed-up Canadian alternative rock bands:

Track 7: "Monkey Brains" by Our Lady Peace. 
The king Canadian alt rock bands that should just retire.  Did anyone buy Burn, Burn, Burn?  Of course not; nobody buys albums these days.  Except for me.

Track 8: "Peacemaker" by Green Day
Really?  Green Day?  They're the most pretentious rock band of the last decade.  They're even more pretentious than U2.  U-freaking-2!  Yes, George W. Bush wasn't a great president.  Get over it.  Also, you're old farts who still want to be teenagers.

Track 9: "Tesselate" by Tokyo Police Club
From MiKenzie's official blog: "This was supposed to be on Mike Mix 2009, but we forgot."  Well done, gentlemen.  Also

tes·sel·late /v. ˈtɛsəˌleɪt; adj. ˈtɛsəlɪt, -ˌleɪt/ Show Spelled [v. tes-uh-leyt; adj. tes-uh-lit, -leyt]  -lat·ed, -lat·ing, adjective

–verb (used with object)

1. to form of small squares or blocks, as floors or pavements; form or arrange in a checkered or mosaic pattern.

Track 10: "Uprising" by Muse

What's this?  Another Muse song?  At first, I was going to attack MiKenzie Inc. for another broken rule, but upon further reviews of the Mike Mix Productions bylaws, I saw this ammendement:  "34.iv(c) a Mike Mix compilation may not have more than one song per artist/band.  Ammendement: (2006.5.22) 34.iv(c) notwithstanding, if MiKenzie Incorporated acquires two separate albums by the same source artist/band, one song from each album may be used."  So, apparently, it took MiKenzie seven years to acquire Absolution.

Track 11: "Substitution" by Silversun Pickups

One of those bands that people have only heard of because of Rock Band II.

Track 12: "Soldier On" by The Temper Trap

This song takes the album, which has been fairly high tempo until this point, and brings it to a screeching, falsetto halt.  Why didn't MiKenzie used the one Temper Trap song that people might have heard?  That song, of course, is "Sweet Disposition," which was featured in the film 500 Days of Summer.

Track 13: "In One Ear" by Cage The Elephant

Cage The Elephant sucks.  From MiKenzie Inc.'s official blog: "We liked Cage the Elephant when we briefly sampled it, but decided that they sucked after listening to the album in full.  We needed some filler, so we stuck on the song that had the foulest language."

Track 14: "The Funeral" by Band of Horses

Another slow one, but a gooder.  I discovered this song in a freestyle BMXing video online, of all places.  Interesting juxtaposition.

Track 15: "Hollow Point Sniper Hyperbole" by Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker

Oh, come on MiKenzie!  Another one snuck in under the rule 34.iv(c) ammendement.  You're just effing with us now!  But the song does get bonus points for the brief cover of an old Newfoundland fishing ditty.

Track 16: "Empty's Theme Park" by Matthew Good

A slow, melancholy marathon by Matt Good finishes of Mike Mix 2010.  If you're depressed and in your 30s or early 40s and grew up in Vancouver, you'll love it!

And that's it.  Yes, that's right: there are only 16 tracks instead of the regular 18 that MiKenzie provides.  This franchise is running out of the steam and should be retired.  Either that, or come out with a Mike Mix every two years instead of once a year.