Monday, February 9, 2009

Hyper's a Dick

Last week, I felt that I was in great comedic form on the Mo-Board. Snappy remark after snappy remark. Also, I was a total dick. I didn't mean any of it, but sometimes when something strikes me funny, I'll say it even if I shouldn't. I only think I crossed the line once, though. Let's look at some examples of me sacrificing manners for humor.

Post Title: 7 Retarded Food Myths the Internet Thinks are Real

I posted a link to an article on cracked.com that listed seven myths about food that are popularly believed largely in part due to the Internet and mass e-mail forwards. Funny, but nothing that I came up with on my own.

Noah (aka Mr. Dubious) had this to say in response:

"There are 3 things wrong with this topic:

1. They aren't retarded.
2. They aren't myths.
3. The Internet doesn't think. It knows."

To which I replied:

"All excellent points...that you can shove up your @$$!!!!!"

Rude, but no big deal. Noah and I have a long history of being dicks to each other online. It's all in good fun, and makes us better friends in the real world.

Post Title: Moon Base by 2010

One of the regular contributers to the Mo-Board posted this:

"The U.S. is planning a permanent moon base. Schedule: Robot mission to scout sites in 2010, first set-up mission in 2020, permanent occupation by 2024."

Probably true, and interesting to boot. My reply? Observe:

"Yeah, I've read that sci-fi novel, too."

Kind of rude, but it could be misunderstood as a misunderstanding. In response, she provided a link as a reference to back up what she was saying. Instead of leaving it at that, I said:

"Ben Bova wrote it in 1987."

I ignored her reference and told her who wrote the sci-fi novel I had referred to earlier. Getting ruder. She provided a longer, more detailed reference from the Library of Congress. This was my reply:
I was stubbornly ignoring her credible sources and insisting that the whole thing was a Ben Bova novel. (Sidenote: at this point, a third party said "That might be in the Library of Congress, too" which made me chuckle.)

My friend wasn't ready to go along with my joke (or maybe she didn't realize I was joking yet), so she said:

"I gave you a credible source. You guys should just look it up yourself."

To which I replied:

"What? My source isn't credible? He's Ben Freaking Bova!"

And then she said:

"I'm not disputing the fact that some guy wrote a book."

That made me laugh. Nicely said, woman-whose-name-I'm-not-using-without-her-permission. But I wasn't done:

"Thank you, [NAME OMITTED], for admitting that you were wrong."

Now that's being a dick!

Post Title: Polytheism

The Mo-Board keeps track of the number of posts each member has made and assigns a title based on the number of posts the person has made. Since the Mo-Board was founded as a Mormonism discussion forum, the titles are church-based: Primary child, Bishop, Stake President, etc. Once a member reaches 5000 posts, they are given the title "God", unless that person is a moderator, in which case their title is always "Moderator". I was the first non-moderator to achieve godhood. The second was the same woman from the above Moon Base discussion. When she was awarded the God title, I started a thread pointing out that there were two gods. A little background before I go on: woman-whose-name-I'm-not-using-without-her-permission (Wwninuwhp) has been divorced twice, and has recently been embroiled in custody battles for her son.

Mr. Dubious replied:

"I can fix this...They just need to get married, because THAT's Mormonism."

I hesitated momentarily, but then decided that this was too funny to go unsaid:

"Sure, okay.
Hey, Wwninuwhp! WWNINUWHP! We're gettin' hitched. Third time's a charm, am I right? Ring's in the mail."

Funny? Yes. Did I cross a line? Yes. I actually apologized to her for that one.

So there you have it: hyperferrianism is a dick.

4 comments:

  1. I actually didn't think you were being that much of a dick. Perhaps I have a high dick-tolerance?


    Oh man, I've gotta do it.

    That's what she said.

    ReplyDelete
  2. High dick-tolerance. That's rich!

    ReplyDelete

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