Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Dr. Seuss Was An A-Hole
Now that I'm evil, thanks to my new glasses, my first project as a supervillain while hyperlairianism is under construction is to invent a resurrection machine. The first person I resurrect will be Dr. Seuss. "How sweet!" you're all thinking. "He wants to resurrect a beloved author of classic children books!" Let me explain phase two of Operation Seuss Puncher: after I resurrect Dr. Seuss, I'm going to punch him repeatedly in the nuts.
Why would I want to hurt one of the most beloved authors of the last century in the testicles? He made fun of me, that's why. I was reading One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish to my heir last night and came across a startling and insulting passage.
You know, if this were the '70s, my body hair would be appreciated.