I have new glasses. They're my first pair of new glasses in ten years. My wife had never known me in a different pair of glasses until yesterday. Now she's worried about the new personality that is sure to come with this change.
I'm already noticing the early signs. For instance, I'm growing a goatee, which, as we all know, is the most evil of all facial hair. (At least I'm not growing a chin-strap, which is the most douchie of all facial hair. I'd rather be evil than a douchebag.) I've also caught myself drawing elaborate blueprints for a secret underground lair. No one will breach its defenses. I'll be INDESTRUCTIBLE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Excuse me. I had another maniacal outburst. They're becoming more and more frequent.
I'm thinking of changing my name from Mike MacKenzie to Dr. Might MacKillzie. And I'll change my screen name from hyperferrianism to hyperfellonyism. Thoughts?
I took my worries to Sir Headolence and asked for his advice. He advised me to double the number of laser turrets around the perimeter of my underground lair and suggested that I call it "hyperlairianism."
Cracked.com's Ian Fortey for what he said about my People. (People with underbites; not hobos.)